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| My momma taught me everything fine ain't the finest
And everything that shine ain't a diamond
They say that change come with time and I'm finding that most bitches take your kindness for blindness
& side note, i'm glad i talked things out with you. i love you, as always.
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| what's the limit to our pride? i think it's different for everyone, and this limit changes as time changes too. i know i used to be full of pride. there were many things that i wouldn't want to admit, wouldn't want to change, wouldn't want to give in, and etc. but i threw a lot of them away within the past year. i felt like i didn't want my pride to get in the way of expressing my real feelings anymore and i felt like there was something out there important enough for me to threw away some of my pride. but now, i feel like i made a mistake. i shouldn't have let someone step all over my pride and dignity.
my mom said she really doesn't want to leave me in canada all by myself because she feels like i'm still not ready or mature enough to take care of myself yet. but i said, "mom, maybe this is the best way for me to grow up". honestly, i haven't really gone through any hardship in my life. my parents tried their best to provide a perfect family and living environment. i think i'm spoiled, not in a monetary way, but in a way that my parents took care of everything for me. that's why compared to some of the people around me, i'm just a cry baby. i think after my mom leaves me, i'll finally learn to take care of my own problems, cause i'll have no other choice.
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| i had a good and long night of sleep last night. for the past month and two, i feel like i was in a battle with myself, and i finally let it go. i know that i've made a lot of mistake within the last one year, academic wise and relationship wise, but i really don't regret anything. i never regretted a moment of it because i feel like i learned so much through my mistakes. you are a really awesome person. you're mature, independent and realistic. that's what attracted me in the first place, but i'm the completely opposite from you. i'm immature, childish, and way too unrealistic. i depended on you for everything, complained to you about all my problems, and never really helped you or understood what you needed. i don't even remember how many times my parents told me the same things. why did i always sit around on my ass and cry everytime a little problem surfaces in my life? in the beginning, i was like your baby and you liked taking care of me. but eventually, that will become a burden. i slowly became a burden to you. not only did i not help you, i only created more meaningless problems for you when you're tired from work or going out. i used to blame everything on you, blamed you for being a bad boyfriend. but now, i don't blame anyone. we had our differences, differences that can't really be fixed in a short period of time. i think i knew for a while already that it's really not going to work, but i still held on. i wanted to hold on to my last hope, i didn't want to give up on a year's memories and efforts. but that only made it worse for both you and i. we're just not the right fit for each other, and no matter how hard i try, it will be useless. after letting you go, i know there will be moments where i'll miss you. i know for split seconds, some memories will rush back to me. i know sometimes, i will think about how you've changed and treated me badly towards the end of our relationship. but i'm not gonna dwell on them. i don't love you anymore, because i know i wasn't holding onto you, but the idea of you. you'll probably never understand how you've changed me. you made me learn to look at myself. now, i want to better myself and learn to be more independent. mostly, i will learn to grow up. i can't describe how much i appreciate everything you've done for me through the past year and i honestly hope we remain as friends. i'm finally going to let you go.
and this will be the very last blog entry dedicated to you ...
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| mhmm ... i was gonna blog about you and our relationship, but forget it. i realized that i really have nothing to say about it besides that i'm glad that i finally did what i should've done long time ago. 
so i was suppose to finally take my G2 road test on Monday, but not anymore! because driving examiners have officially walked off and gone on a strike. i'm so angry because i was so excited to finally take the test and drive my car. sign, guess i have to wait a few more days.
currently listening to: Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush (I Will Survive)
And my eye's hurt, hand's shiver,
So you will listen when i say
BabyI don't want to, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush, hush, hush, hush
There is no other way, i get the final say because,
I don't want too, do this any longer
I don't want you, there's nothing left to say
Hush, hush, hush, hush
I've already spoken, our love is broken
Baby hush, hush First i was afraid i was petrified
Kept thinking i could never live without you by my side
But i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
But i grew strong i learned how to carry on | | |
| why was i so grumpy, angry and unsatisfied with everyone and everything these days? i don't really know. maybe it's because i'm on bad terms with my mom right now. after all that happened, with my dad gone, my mom has become the whole world to me. for the first time in my life, i feel like i need to take good care of someone.
i tried to stay home more with you, i tried watching movies with you, i tried going out for walks with you, i tried to cook with you, and etc. all i want is to see you happy. but lately, i still feel like i'm a burden to you. i just know that you'll be happier if you're with dad, instead of being here with me. i know, i'm so silly to think this way. but everyone around you, not even only me, feel that you don't shine and smile the way you used to when dad was around. i hide in my room when i hear you crying after talking on the phone with dad, i hate feeling this helpless. lately, you started to take your anger and loneliness on me, and i'm fine with it. if dumping all your problems on me makes the weight on your shoulder lighter, then i'll be more than happy to take them. sometimes, i really don't know what i can do to make you happy. these days, we argued so much, and it seems as if you're slowly becoming disappointed in me again.
i'm trying, trying very hard, to not feel the way i feel. i tried to blame my mood on other things. but the more i try to push something away, the more it comes back. i want you to stay with me, is that too selfish?
sigh, i always end up blogging when i can't sleep late at night. this blog has become like a best friend to me, a best friend that only listens and never complains. good night :)
currently listening to westlife - when i'm with you
Nothing replaces your touch
Never stop believing in us
They try to break us
But we stand strong in love
They'll be no distance too far
I gotta be where you are (right where you are)
I don't wanna face this world alone
Without you by my side
You're the only one
That makes it feel like home
And I need you in my life
When you're not around I'm feeling
Like a piece of me is missing
When it feels like the day is closing in
Somehow I find the faith
To make it through
When I'm with you
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